I have been reflecting and praying about the vows I took on my wedding day not only to my husband but our children. I think about my responsibilities towards each and every single one of them , specially my daughters. I watched my incredible husband selflessly gives, cares, loves, covers, protects and provides to our blended family over the last few months and how God has lavished his overwhelming grace in my marriage. We are not perfect and we have challenges just like any family but we are blessed. God is truly the best matchmaker. I am so thankful for God’s best. I watched his interactions with the boys and the girls and I the positive impact he has made on them. His dedication to help shape and lead with strong hands and teach them the way they should go as father has been a tremendous blessing. The love I see in our little girls eyes and how the quickly adapt to our blended family brings me so much joy.
I have always knew as a mother how much influence I have on our girls but I am more convinced that my role as mother is more than just me nurturing and caring for them. I am their role model. I have in me the power to shape them to be women of purpose and Build a Godly Foundation of Strength and Beauty they are to becomes. My hope is that they will have strength and endurance to stand for Christ, even when others had faltered in the face of difficulty.
As written above, in Psalm 144 David writes that our daughters will be “like pillars carved to adorn a palace.” Not only are pillars beautiful and inspiring to look at, but more importantly, they are crucial to the stability of a building. The dictionary’s definition of a pillar has two sides: “a firm, upright support for a structure; or, a supporting, integral, or upstanding member or part of society.” David’s words about our daughters were definitely ahead of their time!
As I have taken some time to reflect on this verse and on some of the incredible women who are a part of my life, I think of some of the roles that they fulfill – they are speakers, teachers, board members, pastors, missionaries, writers, prayer warriors, children’s workers, greeters, janitors and worship leaders – just to name a few! They are leaders, and they are behind-the-scenes workers – all playing a crucial role in the function of the church. Nothing against our sons but My daughters will be like pillars!!!!. I pray that they will be women that lead others to Christ with their positive attitude and they way they carry themselves wherever they go. They will be women that live life with purpose and help carry the torch of love, mercy, grace, truth and compassion. They will know their true identify and self worth and live a life that inspires and builds other women around them.
I’m Not Raising Girls: I’m Raising Loving Wives, Devoted Moms, and Women Who Fear God.
Just recently, my daughters and I had a dance party. We had no special reason to have a party or celebrate. I needed to experience their joy and their laughter and their love and so we had an impromptu dance party, where we could just come as we were and have fun. As their laughter burst out and their dance moves got even sillier, I wanted to take it all in and hold it. I wanted to capture this moment in my heart and in my mind because this was a moment I wanted to experience again. This moment sparked my thoughts about the things I want my daughters to know.
I hope that you read this one day and that it helps you to understand my heart. I hope that you flourish into the woman God intends you to be. Here are seven things I hope that you know and always remember:
1. I’ve loved you from the start and I love you now. Though it may seem that I am hard on you, I love you and want the best for you. But even so, I realize that my best for you won’t suffice. I want God’s best for you.
2. I’ve prayed for you even before you were born. I prayed that you would fulfill His purpose for your life. I prayed that you would be beautiful inside and out. I prayed that God would show me how to love you, that He would keep teaching me and molding me into the mother you needed in order to flourish.
3. There is no manual for mothering you and sometimes I wish one existed. But this is a grand responsibility: to be entrusted with the responsibility of shaping your self-image, your relationship with your children, your views of the world, your concept of love, forgiveness, being a woman, self-acceptance is a great task. I do not have a manual that tells me what to do. So I make mistakes, I get angry and frustrated. Mostly I’m frustrated at myself for not knowing how to be an expert at this. But I depend on God’s grace and His ability to correct me and to show me how to love you and parent you.
4. Please forgive me. Please forgive me for the mistakes I’ve made. If I have assumed that I could love you based on my needs and not yours, please forgive me. Please forgive me for not always saying I’m sorry.
5. I love dancing with you because then, I can capture your smile. Your joy is pure and complete and you seem to genuinely happy. Because I am happy and I’ve put down the world to dance with you and enjoy the moment, you are gleaming. I hope we dance together forever.
6. I think often about what you will remember about me. What will I have given you besides food and shelter? What will I have deposited in your soul that you will want to carry with you always? What pieces of me will you have that bring you joy and peace of mind?
7. You are brave and strong and I admire your willingness to try new things. Your bravery gives me strength and fuels my courage. May your bravery never shrink to cowardice; may your bravery inspire all those you encounter.
8. You are beautiful. Everything about you is beautiful and nothing about you is by accident. Your personality is just what it should be. Your smile is just perfect for your face. Your light shines bright and I hope the world does not dull it’s glow.
9. I love you. I’ve always loved you. I prayed for you then and I pray for you now. I don’t really know what I’m doing, but I’m asking God to show me what to do.
Dear mothers reading this,
- God is going to hold us accountable for our daughters.
- Don’t try to be perfect but practice what you preach, you are the best role model in her life.
- Moms, Your daughters is true reflection of who you are. If you are loud and ratchet that’s exactly what she will likely become because she is watching you. Who would want their children to make the same mistakes they’ve made? You are creating a mini-version of yourself if you are not too careful. Don’t take your role lightly. See wisdom and Godly guidance.
- Be strong when you must and be kind and gentle when you need to.
- Take time to evaluate our past mistakes/hurts and any generational bondage likely to be pass on to our daughters.
- They will make mistakes.
- NEVER stop praying for them.
God has entrusted them to our care and He will hold us accountable to how we choose to raise the daughters He has loaned to us. Part of that stewardship involves preparing them for their own adventure with God which separate from mom and Dad.
Please understand that daughters unconsciously identify with their mothers and all mothers have tremendous power to shape their daughters’ self-image by teaching that a woman’s value is not based solely on outer looks, but on her inner essence, by talking to her daughter in sensitive ways during the critical junctures of sexual development, and by deep self-love and acceptance. I am thankful to God for my wonderful mother. She is such a Godly example to me. My mother didn’t have to say much in public nor from a distance. She looks at me, i can already tell what that look meant. LOL Everything I am today is because of her.
A mother goes a long way to ensure her daughter’s future mental, emotional, and physical health. So whatever I am and do day in and day out, good or bad, my attitude…their eyes are fixing on me.. they are watching every actions, interactions and my reactions. Children are the best gift but can be the worst embarrassment to their parents so teach tem well. Same for all of you. Our daughters are watching us. we can’t garranty how they will behave when they leave us but the Bible encourage us Train up a child in the way he should go; even when he is old he will not depart from it. Proverbs 22:6
Let’s do our part, learn to protect, teach and discipline them according to what the word of God says but not what the world is saying or doing. Our attitude, how speak and how we carry ourselves around our daughters maters.
I am eternally grateful to God for the privilege of motherhood and I earnestly pray that I live a life that models Christ in front of them not just for today but until Christ return.
Lord, thank you for the precious daughters you have given me. Thank you for entrusting me with so great a duty. Thank you for grace and mercy that follow me daily as I shepherd and lead your children. Help me to stop and take in every moment. Teach me what to focus on as I correct, teach, lead, and love them. Amen!
May our sons flourish in their youth like well-nurtured plants.
May our daughters be like graceful pillars, carved to beautify a palace.
Be inspired today, ladies – you are called to be a crucial part in what God is doing!